Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
