piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
