I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize