It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
