if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
