Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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