: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
