I puked a lego.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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