11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
