if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
