Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
