From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
