You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
