I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
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