My hair reeks of homosexuality.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
