Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
