just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
MIDGETS
????
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
