so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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