I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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