You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
