had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
