i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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