hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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