no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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