I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
