So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
