I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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