i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
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