i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize