I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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