weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Acid is not a monday night drug
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
My breasts were aching with rage.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
