I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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