you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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