i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
