I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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