He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
My pussy is not your playground.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
