Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
