I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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