Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
i've created a new STD.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
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