Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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