I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
