You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
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