your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
