the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
