birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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