i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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