jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
