We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
