how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
