pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
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