I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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