I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
