But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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