Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
