Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
How does one acquire holy water?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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