The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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