you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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