you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
