swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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