He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
