if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
