Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
