it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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