how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
