my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
