Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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