when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
