can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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